So, Fandom, I noticed you’re excited about the Avengers movie. I noticed that some of you are so excited you like to leave Natasha out of your fanworks and .gifspams.

It’s cool. I mean, I’m not new to the internet, so I know it’s all a vast, sunglasses-wearing conspiracy to keep me from having nice things. But here are some excuses you should not be using:

• “She’s not really on the team! She doesn’t count!” No, uh, she’s been confirmed as an Avenger for months.
• “It should have been Jan or Carol!” The 5-to-1 mistas-to-sistas ratio is worse than it was in 1964, and that’s all the more frustrating given the scads of pretty cool women who have been Avengers through the years. But it’s not Natasha’s fault they aren’t here. Don’t ask: why is she the only woman? Ask: why is there only one woman?
• “It just bugs me, of course they’d throw a hot chick in there.” Have you seen the male cast of this movie? Spoilers: I have.
• “She hasn’t had enough screentime!” Yeah, like Hawkeye and Mark Ruffalo. Right?
• “But ScarJo is an insult to the awesomeness of Black Widow! I’m erasing her because I care.” If you haven’t noticed, the best way to get comics made about you in this Marvelous era is to be in a movie. When Iron Man 2 came out, we got a pretty sweet Black Widow ongoing, because of Scarlett Johansson. I think I know a little bit about pro-Natasha bias, and I plan on reminding Marvel that she is featuring in an upcoming major motion picture every chance I get.

You don’t need to dress up your hate in the cloak of the rational. This is the internet, where haters are free to hate. And that’s cool, because I feed off haterade like I’m the Dark Side of the Force. There is nothing that could make me want to .gifspam ScarJo after ScarJo more.